It may have been awhile since I last wrote in my journal. Somehow it doesn’t seem as important anymore. I am focusing single-mindedly on my lessons, and things seem much simpler.
My routine has changed. I am having morning meal with Anchoress Samarra each day. We visit and drink tea, and have something to eat, and then I go off to, what for me, is school. I practice my language and my positions and I find great joy in them. I have read back in my journal and I have to laugh at some of the things I have said about being afraid of my father and afraid of my fate. How silly of me.
My father is like unto a god in his power. It is not his desire for me to become his wife, though I would willingly do that. He caresses me and tells me that I am the greatest offering of peace my planet can make to the planet of Equus, and I feel myself swelling with the import of my mission. How wonderful it will be if I can elevate my father into another whole echelon of importance! How grand in the scheme of things to see his wisdom spread to the Equi, who are backward and largely ignorant. How could I ever have doubted him?
My mother continues to fear for me and I have told her that because of Samarra’s teachings I finally see things clearly. I know Mother thinks something is wrong with me, though she has not said as much. She has asked me to go with her back to the Anchoress of the Ancient City to continue my studies, and I may do that, though I no longer value them. Mother did say that Anchoress Ensharra has information about the Equi, and I would find that interesting. I may go. I may not. I am but a humble vessel. How much knowledge does a vessel need?